What I do today . . . I never thought I’d do.  What I did back then (way back then!) . . . . I said I’d never do.  Interesting how life can work that way sometimes, isn’t it?

Let me expound on what I’ve just written and tell you where the Lord has me today.

I am a counselor ~ a Biblical Counselor. I have my Master’s in Biblical Counseling and I am NANC (National Association of Nouthetic Counselors) certified. As I said in the last post, I have a BA in Psych from Bethel with minors in Business and Computers . . . because I was never going to counsel (insert big laugh here!). Also, I was terrified to take the graduate school entrance exam!  I really didn’t know what I wanted to do. Maybe just work in the business world? I just knew that I didn’t want to talk with someone laying on a couch!

This is where I am today, but how I got to this point is the rest of the story . . . . so let’s go back to Sophomore year at Bethel.  When I returned from Spring break, Dave asked me out on our first date. We had been talking on and off over the last 3 months so there was some comfort level there but I was still quite nervous about our first date. I was so nervous that I invited my roommate to double date with us. See, I can be very quiet when I’m out with someone new so that evening didn’t look good from Dave’s perspective! He figured it was the first and the last date. As we left the pizza place, Dave asked if anyone wanted to go back to his apartment to hang out for a while? My roommate and her date said no; and I said, “Sure!” Surprised the heck out of Dave! We talked until 5-in-the-morning!

One of the commitments I made to the Lord in high school was that I would stay pure until I got married. I had done very well at keeping that commitment . . .until I fell for Dave.  Before the semester ended we had crashed that commitment pretty well. At first I felt quite guilty, but because I really really liked him, I justified my actions and pushed those guilty feelings aside.

That summer, I went to work at the Christian camp again and Dave went to his summer job. We only saw each other a couple times that summer but we both realized that we were pretty committed to each other. In the Fall when school started we picked right back up where we had left off ~ we were pretty much inseparable (that’s just a nice way of saying we pretty much lived together that semester).

Early in the second semester I realized I was ‘late’ . . .which was unusual for me. My cycle was like clock-work. Just when I started to get really nervous my period started. WHEW! So the very next month when I was late again I didn’t think to much of it. I figured it would eventually come.

It didn’t.

Just before I left to go home for spring break, I took a pregnancy test. And guess what? It did not take long for the result to come . . . I was pregnant . . . and I was in complete shock! Dave was also. He couldn’t even speak as we ate lunch together. I decided I had to do what I said I would never do . . . I had to cover up our problem especially before anyone found out . . . like our families. There was no way I could even think about telling Dave’s parents and I was not going to let Dave or myself get kicked out of Bethel.

After Spring break we went together to an abortion clinic in the city. Nothing was going to change my mind . . and no one really tried. I can still vividly remember much of that day.  What I remember most was thinking ~ ‘soon it will be over and I can put this all behind me’ . . . I kinda felt like I was in a daze . . . like what I was going through was just a bad dream. But I can tell you it was not! One minute I felt relief (problem solved!) then the very next minute I thought ~ “Oh, dear Lord . .what have I just done!” The feeling of loss came quite quickly and was very intense. I immediately wanted to reverse time and not do what I had just done.

We told no one and I went back to classes on Monday after a long weekend of crying and regretting my choice. That regret lasted for 10+ years.

BUT . . . God is good and He does use simple sheep, who make wrong choices, to bring glory to His name.

Fast forward to today  . . and today I Biblically counsel women who have hurts of all kinds in their hearts, not just the hurt of choosing to abort a child.

Yes, there is much more to the story God is writing in my life . . but that will be for another day.

May the Lord bless you and keep you!