Last week I posted about what I do . . . I’m a Biblical Counselor . . . and, why I do it.  I shared with you the part of my life story that I regretted ~ that I aborted my first child. As I said, that regret lasted a good 10 years or more. But, five little words from a very dear friend of mine woke my sleeping-soul up and turned my regret into a reignited passion for God and hurting women.

Here’s what happened . . .

I played many mind-games in the years that followed my decision to abort. The decision was easy to justify ~ couldn’t let anyone know that good Christian kids like us were being very disobedient; couldn’t tell our parents; couldn’t risk being thrown out of our Christian college and not have a degree; etc., etc., etc.! What was not easy was the immediate feelings that came and lingered ~ the biggest one being, I could not believe I had done what I had done. I figured that because I promised God I would not have sex til I was married and I that I would never have an abortion (because it was such an awful thing to do), that God would never forgive me.

I wrestled with that for years. The wrestling got worse when our Senior Pastor’s wife (my very dear and best friend) wanted me to lead a women’s Bible study.  I dodged her question every time . . basically by not really giving her an answer. I believed that with what I had done in my past, I could never lead a Bible study or be in ministry of any kind and that no Christian woman would ever want to be around me little lone be my friend.  I was, in fact, quite ashamed.

Finally one women’s retreat I decided I had had enough of her asking and decided to tell her why I couldn’t possibly lead a women’s Bible study.  I told her I needed to talk and and we found an empty room.  As we sat down, her first words to me (that I remember) were, “I just want you to know, Lesley, that nothing you’re about to say will shock me.”

Of course, my immediate thought (that I did not speak out loud) was, “OH, yes there is sweetie!” I really figured when I told her that her mouth would drop open, she was gasp in disgust and then walk out of the room never to speak to me again. But I bravely went on and told her what I had done ~ what this ‘good Christian girl’ had done in her past.

When I got to the climax, that I aborted my first child, she just looked at me and said, “So . . . don’t you think that God could still use you?”

WOE! It was like all the wind was taken out of me! It was like I got smacked with a mega reality check! I thought, “NO, WAIT! You’re suppose to . . . . No, no, God can’t use me! No, wait . . . ”  Then it seemed as if He whispered “Yes, I still want to use you”.

Those five little words totally changed the course of my life.  God used her to get me to hear what He had been trying to tell me all along ~ “I love you. I forgive you. I want to use you to bring glory to Me.”

Again, so much more to this story . . .but it may be for another day and another blog.

I was challenged on Sunday morning, in my church, to figure out who was an ‘Oak of Righteousness’ in my life and to thank them.

She was the only one I could think of . . . and yes, I did tell her.